Friday, May 7, 2021

111

 I know I’m supposed to be with him because that number only came with me incessantly after meeting him. Then it’s been all around me. However, I’m conflicted, not great to me. Maybe that’s the strong. I deserve the best in me. But I k ow he’s the best. Just not mine at all the time. Lord. Universe. Guide me. I’m tired. Idk what else. I love him. He loves me.I know love isn’t always enough. Strength and resilience and togetherness is what can complete us. 

He doesn’t HEAR me. He blaze about so much. Maybe it’s time to end a chapter? No, because I see amazingness. I need him to feel, seer ouch and acknowledge our longevity. 

He speaks words, as I write them

Yet, he will never feel words


And feel em when I speak

So what I M fighting for

He told me I better think hard about us

And it’s true


I do t know how to give up

But I k ow the words he said are so very fuckin accurate 

I think I  supposed to be alone. 

I know my partner

God gave me him

He is not him

That hurts my heart to say it 

He is  the dad I longed for

But he is not my man

MAN

i know who he is. God truly sent him to me. Like he sent me carlos.  My perSon. 

Saturday, May 1, 2021

Shaken head syndrom

 I shake my fuckin head

With every thought

Of you damaging us

Replays

Of you

Hurting me 

Destruction of us

Because of you,

I’ll have to be  your caretaker 

When do You take care of me?

You don’t

I don’t speak about 

It in depth

But I think of this 

Till death

“You’re going to leave me” 

You kept repeating 

Let me make that choice

You are not allowed to leave 

After breaking me

Picking up these pieces

No sleep

Heart broken

Fight me to keep a secret

I wish the world could know

But yet

They never will

It’s my burden, secret

I don’t want them to know this about you

You are good

Great

Compassionate 

Empathetic 

Just not towards me

And that’s what fucking hurts

You have not 

PROTECTED ME

SHELTERED ME

FROM YOU 

ASSHOLE

Smmfh

Thanks for your love, I guess

 To see into 

To bring forth

Manifestations 

To know

Heartbreak 

Weak

Drained

Weakened 

Quiet 

Contemplation

Solitude

Quiet

Weak

Tired

Contemplation


I doubted

MYSELF

I made me

smaller 

To believe 

YOU

So I doubted

ME

Eyes locked in

Assurance 

Lies

Lies 

LIES

IN MY EYES

but I knew

And the conflict which 

Ensued after

U tried to leave me

With all your 

BAGGAGE 

OF LIES

tucked and rolled so

Tightly in the case of

LIES

and you tried to leave me to unfold all that fuckin

SHIT

SHUT

IM ALONE

in this damn pain 

Even when I try 

To tell people I can’t 

Red walls of disgust

Hurt

Pain

Lost 

Alone 

I am

U shut your eyes

Asleep 

Wide awoke

Damaged

Lost

Hurt 

Pained

Conflicted

Here 

You’ll sleep well

And I’ll stay

Broken

Woken 

By myself