Elizabeth Bishop- I am in need of music

I am in need of music that would flow 
Over my fretful, feeling fingertips, 
Over my bitter-tainted, trembling lips, 
With melody, deep, clear, and liquid-slow. 
Oh, for the healing swaying, old and low, 
Of some song sung to rest the tired dead, 
A song to fall like water on my head, 
And over quivering limbs, dream flushed to glow! 

There is a magic made by melody: 
A spell of rest, and quiet breath, and cool 
Heart, that sinks through fading colors deep 
To the subaqueous stillness of the sea, 
And floats forever in a moon-green pool, 
Held in the arms of rhythm and of sleep.

by Elizabeth Bishop

Love children

These dam privileged ass kids we’ve raised
I’m always amazed at how entitled they are
They deserve the worlso we gave them the world
We could give them
And they took and tat inch
And accused us of not giving them a mile

Well, we gave you a soft ass landing
Y’all saw a lot of shit
We went through
But never really had to go through some of that
We coddled and over compensated
To build you a cushion

Jah, I know u were hurt
Nelly, I know you were hurt
Enzo, I know you were hurt

Yal were a little fucked u from
Witnessing and being hurt
But, y’all don’t really always know
The shit we went through so u weren’t as fucked up as us

Jahli, baby, I’m so sorry, I did put u through a lot
Knife to my chest to death
Because I felt u deserved better than what I could give u at that time in my life
That was wrong of me
So wrong
I didn’t think u saw all the times I tried to die, maybe u did
Maybe it wasn’t Cushioning I gave you
Maybe it was raw memories of my slight deaths
I’m sorry
I prayed for you always
I’m
 Sorry

We weren’t love childs
We were the best we could do
Who brought life to love children
Y’all were made with pure love

We only wanted the best for you
But u kinda got the worst
We’re so sorry
So we try to make up for that your whole lives

We’re sorry, babies

Resolve

I have no words
I am good

Yet many words
and unresolved issues
but I am om with them being
unresolved
finally
ok

Inconsideration

sometimes the people, you really love,
the ones you want to be closet to,
need space from you
because at that moment
you are not good for them
for each other
so listen to them
step back
and step off
give them that space
it can sometimes make yall grow stronger
sometimes
it can break your heart
and sometimes it is just what yall need
but listen to the space that needs to be taken
even as personal as it makes you feel
but it may be needed
be thankful for words and not
violent actions were taken against you
and using words to ask you
they are safe words

Carlos asked me to leave tonight and I told him to remember that. Like a threat.  Like it was something that I would retaliate against him with. I didn't mean it, I was mocking. I was being threating. I was not being considerate of him, though. I was wrong and selfish. Wrong and inconsiderate.