The Giving Tree, Branch of Life

Post Partum

No one tells you the realness about after birth
Sometimes no one is really there after birth
Just YOU
And what happens when its just YOU and this new person YOU birthed/ brought/introduced into this world
Well, it's lonely, and happy,..
It's confusing and certain
It is life

I want YOU to be that woman.
As a mom, as a friend, a companion and care taker, of YOU
I want YOU to feel special and loved and to know that it is ok to be detached sometimes
because I want to be there for YOU
so YOU  have a connection to life
so that YOU can re-connect to life

my desire is to make sure that someone takes care of YOU
because that baby is going to be taken care of
but we are often lost after
everyone dotes on us during pregnancy and then they're gone after
it should never stop
I want to celebrate your YOUR motherhood
to attach the bridge which connection YOU with your babe

its fucking hard
crying and detaching and sometimes resentful
it's forgetting about ourselves

I will not forget about YOU
and I will ensure that YOU remember YOURself and YOUR worth and YOUR beauty

That person YOU have become is the same person that created and cared for the person YOU brought here
And YOU are beautiful and YOUR hair will be combed and brushed and so will YOUR teeth and YOU can shower and eat and feed at the same time

YOU will be celebrated and catered to so YOU can celebrate and cater to this wee little one YOU brought here
yes YOU brought into this world
YOu are special and deserve all this
So, let me celebrate YOU, so YOU can celebrate life together a

So, I will be YOUR sista, girl
and I say this all in thought of reading
The Color Purple
And you will always have a sista and not a
person you who you hired to take care of you

"And let me tell you something, sista,
Yuve been on my mind"
I will never leave your soul feeling ike you weren't loved or listened to


Been there in the dark and crying for one of my sisies to take care of mE and love me and be my branch

I AM HER
Let me be your's

Add tooth decay and preservation to this

happy-ish

Im so happy Im not in the black place anymore
the sadness
the hurt
the anger
the bottom the depths of death
inviting death

I am so happy

no, Im content
Im alive
Im sleep walking
but fuck im here
I can talk abut my. hurts and pains
and be removed from the moments of feelings of those times
  im so happy
Im not in the black
the swallow of death
the cradle of dying
im awake and alive and Im so happy to say that

Im so happ
to listen to then songs that enraptured  black and listen to these songs
and think damn
Im so happy to not be in those muddy waters
of tha sunken heart
that heavily beat,  battered, and bruised heart

Im s o happy
I wander in my writings for pieces of solitude
no longer escape from death
the blue that was so deepened with saddness is now blue of the ripples of the rivers and lakes nolonger the ocean that was was goin to be my tsunami of death.  It is calm waters.

I am so happy to be, to have a piece of heaven without the promise of death
Funnily, I miss words pen to paper but im learning to appreciate the keyboard as such, too bad I can t smoke while doing so   Ha

Love is...

You are so challenged to say u love me and i know that u do. But it is so hard to say “Shida, I love you” and i dont doubt that you do. But u cNt say it. And it pains u to say it. Your actions R loud and ur touches are so felt Nd you’re so scared and  that is not my issue. And then it is. Because you are so scared. Cue india Arie I am Ready to Love.

and cue- your exit
cue- you walking away from the spotlight
"You putting me on a spot"

and so I'll stay home for the first weekend in a month and I won't crowd you with my presence or my love

and you're? I don't even know
 I know you lovish me
I know you want me to born your child(ren)
I know youre planning your life with me
I know your'er paying for me
I know you're missing me
I know youre satisfied with me
I know you want to be with me
I know youre- actually I don't know what else to add

and so, Im home not wrapped in your arms and missing you so much
and I know the all I want to do and be is with you
I smelt ou today
but you weren't there
 I know I keep talking about you

and you have no one to talk about
about us
to
its just you, you, sometimes me, but just you
why don't you have friends
I have so many
you have Juan, one, Juan , one lol

And you know what?
I lied when I said I didn't want to marry you
I do
I want the paper
I want you
I want it all
to tie us together forever
but not with an audience
just you boo
just us
you and I

but I don't want to marry u into my debt or my shit
thats why I don't want to marry you
but I want you forever
faeva eva, eva eva
you and I.
my Aries and I

Im gonna (trying to) be patient because after all these years, a few months isn't a long time t wait for you to love me willingly and freely.
its just a blink in this lifetime that I have to wait for you to
initiate "I love you, Rashida"

Time.

space defined

to be
what does that mean
to be

in a state of
in a feeling of
in a space of

to be
what does that mean
to be

to take space
to be in a space
to be apart of a space

to be
what does that mean
to be

Space
...space
Space
...space

Am I gathering your space
taking your space
becoming a part
of your space
taking space?

im just gonna think of it as
Unifying
become one
I think u do too

Lost and Found

how do u write in the absence of being
a  literal line that is void of being?
How do we succumb to a falseness of what our idea of what they have told us to be?
The confusion in the convoluted state of none exsistence.

melting in the dome of those moments
where-they-we-us-I, have been so lost
during a time that was so free
so from ourselves.
Wont argue . No point
 Arguing me.