Found my way home

Tonight I truly took heed to omens..many I didn't know were there. I listened with my third eye. I even lied to be alone tonight. I needed to  hear a message. That I wouldn't have heard had I been with my friends. I had to come home.I had to be Home. I had to be here: to read things that that touched my heart from  Elizabeth Bishop.  Words  touched me to the root of my sOul. I was so discouraged by not being hired for summer. I knew that that was not the place that I belonged (but I did).  However, Ihumbled myself not to make it easy. It hurt my feelings and made me feel like well good luck to you this summer.. And then I read Elizabeth Bishop, and she awakened my soul to what I always knew. I write. I feel I trace the linings of my penmanship like Braille.. She allowed me to feel like I always felt. She said everything  I could never say and even the words that I did say everything that I've always felt and understood and I know about me in this world-  in this life, and the people in it- confirmed everything tonight.  And, so I am truly blessed with the knowledge, the acceptance to persevere, the determination, the writing on the wall, the feelings of the writing, the thought into the writing.  The everything. To stAy true. To be a friend, an ally. And still be true to self. Emma said to me today she didn't need any more kind words. I don't want to be kind. I have to be real while still being empathtic. "You know it's hard out here for a pimp."

“The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seemed filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster” 
― Elizabeth Bishop, The Complete Poems, 1927-1979