Why am I haunted in the dark of the morning with instant wake ups? Sleep in peace, to rest in quiet, to dream in full. There's an anxiousness that beckons an answer, I know the question~perhaps it's the other way around.

Unknown

Sleep last night I dreamt of you. You walked towards me and I knew you were him. Indescribable feelings of love so real~it could only be a dream. Maybe you'll visit again. I'll wait for you in your many different versions of you, until you approach in flesh.

June 28,2010 Monday

Today I told Rashaan I wanted to write a book, same as I told my father yesterday. As I told her this, she drove past a book store of some sort in LA and as she glanced tot he right, the word she saw was "WRITER". She gasped out, ""It's an omen!" And so it shall be. -I believe The Alchemist has resonated enough in me, as well as life experiences to heed signs. I guess it started out before 6th grade, with my fascination for calligraphy and quill pens..yesterday I eyed beautiful set of antique calligraphy tips and followed soon after by telling my dad that I wanted to write a book. "Then do it."

Frame of mind? Wishes, hopes and prayers , for my daughter. Eyes like mine, staring back at me. face, identical to mine through as strong lineage. Life that I will shape to be different from the rest of my women. It begins here.

Inspiration is all around me. But, its my desire for inspiration that guides me. To where it is almost yielding me~ to stop~ for the fear that it'll be my greatest release. To not be alone anymore in the dark ( I almost begin to cry as I type here now-because it is put out as truth for all to read/HEAR).

As funny as it sounds, Stephanie Meyer has been a sort of muse~or inspiration. She talked about having a dream and not wanting it to end, to solve it, the before and after. Much like myself. The extension~because I need to know how she began and she will turn out~where shes going and where shes been~who shes loved and who"ll love her.. Patience has never been a virtue of mine, but I will patiently wait as long I write each word, to see where I am going....

Borders

I had to remind myself to let go today. Give up the ghost,the shadow and remains. Step into twilight so that the darkness is cast behind me. Run and run fast. Envelop myself into the mystery of tomorrow without the hesitation of yesterday. Bask and delight in the possibility. Omit the lies, relinquish the pride, banish the hurt, let the storm pass. Its so much prettier on the other side.

Strolling

Casting light from the darkness, this is where I decide to let you in. Scared and very nervous, I am allowing you to delve into my person, to walk along side me, with me and through me. I may not be very fragile, but you should be careful with me; you'll never know what you'll get.

Rashida Johnson

"Like the wind, I am free"